How Not to Get Laid – jaysays.com’s TMI moment
I recently realized (after a few people pointed it out) that in all the Gay/Lesbian politico talk, I forgot to be funny. It’s true, the gays stole my funny! My sense of humor is why many of my readers have stuck around.
After debating whether I should stick to the serious job of gay rights or start to be funny again, it occurred to me that I was blogger blocked. I couldn’t think of anything funny… that’s not like me, normally I have a lot to say. I’ll I could think about were the countless men, women/womyn and non-descripts who are being discriminated against and why that is happening and how to discuss that issue in an intelligent and non-hateful way. Finally, I decided on my topic: Gay Rights. So, without further ado, I’ll give you an analytical story which illustrates just how “alike” gay and straight folks are:
Each night, my partner and I crawl into bed. It’s the time of the evening where we are both exhausted from long days of work so we chat about what was in the news or what “unusual” thing happened that day – and often, we each pull out the book we are reading and sometimes read interesting passages to each other. The night before last, things went a little differently. Christopher, my partner, was reading his book and I had already relaxed back and started drifting slowly off to sleep. Rather suddenly, Christopher reached over and grabbed my crotch and immediately said, “You need to make this thing grow.” Being a man, the size of my genitalia is directly proportional to my self-worth, but it has never, in our 11 years together, come into question.
“Excuse me…” I said it not so much as a question but as an accusation. I was floored. Did he really just make reference to my penis not being “big enough?”
Christopher immediately started laughing as he realized how his statement had sounded – not like a “hey, wanna make love?”, but a – “this is too small and I want a big one” sort of way. He stumbled for words as he tried to explain, “I meant erect.”
It was too late. I was trying to go to sleep and would spend the next half-hour feeling “de-masculinated” and… well… small, a first for me and hopefully a last.
I realize the story is not something shared in polite conversation, but I noted, after some consideration, that many couples experience uncomfortable moments in the bedroom with each other. I’ve heard many such stories from heterosexual and homosexuals alike. By sharing those moments, we can laugh at each other rather than hate each other. I thought for a moment – isn’t it funny that the one thing that makes us “gays” so much different from our heterosexual counterparts still has a commonality – it can be embarassing, funny, romantic and beautiful, and if you’re lucky, no one gets hurt.