Better Death than Gays Donating Blood.
This past April my very dear friend, Crystal, fell gravely ill. I received a dreaded phone call and rushed to the hospital. Crystal was unconscious and on a respirator when I arrived at the hospital 20 minutes later. Over the next few days, she received several pints of blood. I became a bit concerned as we hear so much about shortages in the blood supply and the question crossed my mind that, should I be a match, could I donate blood to save my dear friend’s life?
In 1985, largely as a result of the AIDS scare, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration banned any man who has had sex with another man (since 1977) from giving blood. I wondered, ignorantly, if that ban applied to those wishing to donate blood to save a loved one.
The U.S. isn’t the only country to have a lifetime ban on blood donations by men who have had sex with other men. The same provision exists in England and Wales. Factors such as monogamy or proper use of protection, are not considered, merely a man who has had sex with a man… ever.
Sweden recently lifted its lifetime ban and announced a 12-month ban would instead be implemented for anyone having “risky” sex (including gay sex).
From our friends across the pond came the answer to my lingering question. Because I have had sex with a man at least once in the past 32 years, I would not be able to donate blood even on behalf of a dear friend.
This lesson comes after a son was prevented from donating blood to his mother because, sometime in the past 32 years, he had sex with another man. Dij Bentley’s mother Christine, was 47 years old when she developed an infection requiring a blood transfusion. The doctors asked members of her family to donate blood and determine if they are a match. When he attempted to give blood, he was told by a nurse that he could not. 10 days after developing the infection, Christine died.
In Crystal’s case, no one present was asked to donate blood for her transfusions, presumably because there was an ample supply. However, since her death, the subject of blood donation has come up among her friends. Some have suggested we all donate blood as a way of honoring those who donated to help try to save her life.
When the suggestion came up, I quickly responded that I cannot donate blood and explained the regulation. My friend, always trying to look at ways to do good suggested that I simply lie about the fact that I have had sex with another man. At this point, thoughts raced through my mind – should I lie about it in order to help another person, or should I remain true to who I am and never deny an integral part of my existence? I am a gay man. The thoughts quickly landed on being true to myself because without truth, we only have that fear that leads to regulations barring gay men from donating blood, the hatred that leads to criminalization of homosexuality and prosecution by death, and the lies which result in denial of marriage equality.
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Once again gays are put in a position where they have to decide which is more noble, donate to save a life or stay true to yourself. I am also unable to donate blood, not because I have had gay sex, but for one of the other 9,000 reasons you may be denied. I do understand that the restrictions have been put in place to keep the blood supply safe for recipients, however when one is forced to lie to "give the gift of life" all the rules and regulations have just failed to insure that safety. I do believe that all blood collected is tested for HIV/AIDS as a standard part of its processing after donation. As much as I know you wanted to donate I applaud you for staying true. I'm sure when the blood supply is so critical that they need every donor that can be found, gays will all of a sudden not be excluded.
I am a person whose life was aided by two separate blood transfusions during one long hospital stay. Before the blood was even handed to my nurse a ritual of red tape was initiated – for safety reasons. Then even before the drip was started my nurse gave me a disclaimer – telling me (in different words) that although the blood is very carefully screened for many many diseases there is still a very slim possibility that a disease might have gotten past the screening process, etc. All I could think about was that I trust the screening and I want to get better. My nurse stayed with me at my side monitoring me throughout the transfusions (each time) – and I had several units each time. When she needed a brief break the desk nurses were alerted to watch for me and I was instructed to notify when and if certain things happened. Fortunately there were no problems.
Months later at home and doing much much better I read all I could find on the screening processes. Those processes used include a number of process to screen the blood for HIV/AIDS. From the first time I became aware of the ban preventing gay men who have had sex with another man from donating – I have fully believed that that ban was completely wrong. Blood is needed for many people who are ill. There are always shortages.
I am truly sorry that your most dear friend Crystal did not survive. I am also grateful that the blood was available for her and that it was available for me two years ago. For those who don't understand why the ban is so wrong I ask – When the shortages happen – who doesn't get the blood???
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